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"Dating better looking people can actually be a plus," says Cohen.

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This can be a serious dilemma, especially for people with perfectionist tendencies.

Committing to a partner is scary for all kinds of reasons.

But one is that you never really know how the object of your current affections would compare to all the other people you might meet in the future.

My next boyfriend and my next and my next after that were all very good men, with great senses of humor and warm spirits, but they were also some version of lazy, dependent and unambitious. I had to pester them to go back to college, or to pay their parking tickets, or to basically be the person I wished they were. The easy, therapist-approved explanation for my being attracted to men like this is that I like constants.

But the one thing I never wanted to change was their loyalty, or their need for me. My parents were divorced when I was 10, my mother died when I was 25, and there was a lot of dropping the ball and surprise developments in between.