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Dating after 25 years of marriage

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Many times, couples will separate in hopes of saving a marriage. After all, just getting distance from a painful, antagonistic situation can provide you with enough perspective to come back together weeks or months later and sort things out. The man, a newspaper reporter, left his wife in Boston and went on assignment in Russia for a year.

Their marriage had been on the rocks, but during the year apart, the two developed an email correspondence that brought them new intimacy and understanding.

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Vince was starting a new business; I was concentrating on my journalism career.

We weren’t running our lives in concert; we were running them on parallel paths. If we had known, we might have been able to do something about it.

How does a marriage that’s lasted so long end up failing? Vince and I met in Los Angeles while we were attending college. The passion didn’t burn as bright, but it still burned.

Over the years, I’ve been able to get some perspective on how to answer that question — at least for me. After our first date we could barely stand to be apart. We made a good team as we handled all the ups and downs of our lives.

Sometimes, the couple's marriage can withstand the infidelity; other times, the breach of trust is too deep, and a split or divorce ensues.

So while infidelity is certainly the precipitating factor in some marriages failing, it's not the reason in most cases.

Why do so many long-married couples decide to split?

En español | Regardless of current statistics on the increasing numbers of failed long-term marriages, I want to believe that for every couple who says “I do,” there is still such a thing as “until death do us part.” But I should know better. At the time, I considered it one of the worst tragedies of my life.

I couldn’t figure out how my husband and I got to the point where divorce was the only alternative. Marriages don’t end overnight, they die little by little. Ten years and three children later, we had settled into the comfortable routine of being a couple.